Film Noir (Revised)

Whispers, it’s always whispers with him.  Hand searching, breath in one ear, on a neck. 

"Just this once Al, c’mon."

The sharp, silver necklace stings when he unknowingly presses it into my chest. My admonition fades and becomes a sigh of ghastly pleasure. Hands are pushing my skirt up, up, up.

The landing of the stairs floods with momentary light from a passing car.  A crunch of wheels on gravel, and then a horn punctuating the night.  He eyes the hall below.

“The boys are back.  Took Grant’s new wheels out.  ’34 Buick, beautiful.  You can still smell the factory.”  A crash from the front hall.

“Charlie, where are you?  You can’t be serious about studying tonight…”
"You're brothers are horrible, awful people!"  Smoothing my skirt, I try to pat my blouse back into place. 
He grins, scotch rolling off his breath. There is a crash again as two oversized boys tumble onto the landing. 

“Oh so this is the extra lesson you’ve been working on!”
"Good going C-man!"
"Awooo awo!”

We erupt in guilty laughter, we are stumbling over each other; pin curls that have fallen out ages ago are now limply slipping into my eyes.  I am pressed into the contours of the hearth, the massive dinosaur that heats the third story. Finally senses return enough to utter,
"Have to go- house mother, Friday then?"
"Gee, if I could get my hands on that woman just for a second..." He follows his words with a decidedly violent gesture. Kiss and I run; run all the way down the long, long brick walk, drunken penny loafers slipping and sliding.

**
The next day he is across the dining hall.  My sisters don't notice. Neither do his brothers, except the two that wink and blow kisses before sharp nudges end their lewd display. I smile to myself, then return to comparing Betty D. and the new Vivian L.  Neither of them is good enough for Clark G., it's decided.

**
At night, our house is full of candles and songs of eternal friendship and bonds that cannot be broken. My guilty little secret is locked at my thigh, in the garter where I have slipped his pin. It’s too soon, he says, to tell anyone.  “They won't approve; it must be a slow type of thing.”  So we continue in black secrecy.
"The years are binding us girls together now, restless sorrows shall try to tear us apart, but never shall we be..."
Not me. Sorrow is not my enemy...sorrow is loneliness and never shall I be alone.

**
I am draped in chiffon, cobalt blue. Matches my eyes, he says. The scotch is gone from his breath now; he is holding me close as we waltz, foxtrot, swing the night away. We are on the landing again; the rest are downstairs enjoying the Formal Dance, including our dates. But these stolen moments are perfect.
"Won't the girls be pea green when they find out?"
"Green, sure...just dance with me now doll."

Hand on my bare shoulders…back…his fingertips leaving a trail of shivers down my spine followed by a zipper being pulled slowly apart.  The fabric slides down off my shoulder… I'm scared, do my eyes show it? Whispered reassurances…kisses on my neck…shoulder, firm hand drawing me though the door into a room. For a second I think about stopping it and running downstairs to my safely boring date, the rich son of an executive who talks nothing but sales figures and deficits. No.
This is Life, giving in is delicious.

Kicking off our shoes we waltz through the blue-black night, leaving layers of ourselves strewn across the floor.  Hands squeezing, eyes searching, slowly he caresses me onto the bed.  I can’t help the words before they’re out in the air.

“You love me?”

“I gave you my pin, didn’t I?”

**
He is sitting in the little gorge under the bridge, our place, where he told me he wanted forever. She sits next to him, simpering.  Sweet, bouncy curls swept perfectly out of her eyes. He whispers in her ear, breaths something into her neck, and they both dissolve into laughter.  His hand rests casually on her thigh, slowly inching it’s way up.  There they are, staring into each other's eyes.  Meanwhile I am here, a common peeping tom, watching my “sister” and my love.

**
His pin on my breast, I am proud now. I walk, head held high, into the house. Brothers in the hall are staring as I march past.  One of them flings a question at my back.  "Alice, hey sweet stuff where are you off to in such a hurry?"
I don't answer, just push through them and their clutching hands. Storming up the stairs, so familiar from our dark rendezvous, I open the door without knocking. He is there, in his white undershirt holding a tumbler, more scotch. How pathetic, drinking alone in his underwear. Slamming the door shut, I know they won't bother us now. The brotherhood’s philosophy on perturbed females is to let them have their fun before soothing them with lies. How many times have I seen this before?

"Al, what's wrong sugar?"
"Not sugar. Not me at least." Silence, and then with a sigh, "Your pin, Charles."
He notices my chest for the first time tonight. Ironically, that's normally the first place his eyes wander.
"You're wearing it, Baby I thought we talked-"
"Just wondering, will you give it to her now?"
"Wh-"
"No, I just want to know is all. I mean, how many others have slipped it into their garters before me."

I won't cry.  I swore that to myself at least. I offer the pin calmly and slowly he takes it. He’s standing there, confused.  His hand reaches my elbow, I shake it off. Peel my white gloves off, finger by finger. The hearth is three short steps away. Place the gloves on the mantle, carefully avoiding dust.  Glance to the left of the fireplace; iron will be my friend tonight, cold and unrelenting.  Turn and raise the poker.
"Whoa, Alice...you need to cal-"

One smash and he's on the floor, skull cracked; Again I lash out, hitting him full on the lips.  Dull red creeps across the grey stones, his once perfect face is now mangled and unrecognizable.  I step across the mess, carefully replacing the poker. My gloves are pristine, I put them on one finger at a time; lingering.

**
Outside a girl is passing by, hurrying to return before House Mother admonishes her for being out without a Permission. She passes the stone steps where a lone figure sits, turning over a piece of gold and black enamel in her hand.