Sleep in heavenly peace

In the backyard we play.  It's all pirates and fairy princesses, stick-swords and mud pits.  Hours and hours of jumping through nettles and finding bird's nests and singing the songs of nature.  I am one of the lucky ones. 

Somewhere, today, there are Christmas trees with stacks of presents still virgin to prying fingers and critical eyes.  It's too much, once twice, thrice- how many more before we find a solution for our human nature?

Somewhere today, a girl I love is grieving.  Last week, yesterday, last night we complained about men and school and unemployment-today that horrible word cuts our mouths again.  Suicide, what a selfish action.  Nothing we can say, nothing we can do to find an answer for this.

And now, they tell us, find your loved ones and hold them tight.  What a cruel proclamation, it must be purposeful spite that this is the only solution put forward.  No loved ones, not here.  I am utterly alone, and what timing too.  I could perhaps try to find solace in a warm bed with a laughing companion, but the thought right now makes me sick.  Easy for him to say-perhaps, so happy to be on his own- but I cannot as easily ask another to fill that space.  I would give years off my life for a hug, a gentle kiss on my forehead, a silent embrace.  Impossible.

So today, I suppose, I am not ok.