You told me not to beat myself up, but darling that's just what I do.  So here is my compromise: Thirty seconds of moderate self-loathing, and when I'm done writing I will let it all slide out the back of my head and hope that it isn't sticking in yours. 

I guess what it comes down to is this: I am sick to my stomach and shaking because of my own actions, and because I hurt you.  You, who have been so incredibly kind and sweet and understanding; you who I'm falling for more and more every day. I daydream of being wrapped in your arms for all of eternity, and I am the fool standing in my own way. 

There is more that I want to say but it involves a little four letter word and I'm still terrified of saying too much.  I just know that I'm falling into something with you that I won't be able to stop, and I don't want to. 

Right now I would give anything to look up into your beautiful warm eyes and hear you tell me that you care.  Instead, I'll do just as you said and let the hot water take my tears and my guilt down the drain.