A Dream

Today I stayed in bed. 

Didn't leave until late late late-

Until my poor stomach made it's discomfort loudly known.

I would have gone back after that, would have slept my life away again.  Lord knows I wanted to.

This dream comes back and back and back to me.  Dreaming of bells, and thunder, and rain.  Dreaming of terror.

A parade, a parade!  I am nine and today is perfect.  A marching band, followed by the shriners in their funny hats and little go-cart cars.  Up and over their float they go,weaving fast and dangerous figure-eights and turning back to do it again and again and again.  I am sitting high on my fathers shoulders and my brother stands beside, darting out occasionally to collect the double bubble gum and jawbreakers thrown from generous floats.  It's hot hot hot today, my back is already turning a bright shade of pink-I don't care.  Then, out of nowhere...

Boom

And there are huge kettle drums in heaven, foreshadowing disaster.

Boom

And I know that everything will change now, and I know how. "The rain!"  I shout, "It's coming!  Run Papa, run fast please!"  And my Papa has scooped my brother up into his arms and I am holding on to his neck and we are sprinting up the hill.  Everyone is running too, and now the rain has started and some people were too slow.

Halfway there and two abandoned children, my age, cry in a Red Flyer wagon-their pare

nts have opted for their own salvation.  There is a tree at the top of the hill, and now all of the people are gone and there is a rowboat tied to the tree.  The water is high now, much farther up then where the little red wagon had been.  Papa throws us into the boat and gets in himself, and we drift away from the hilltop, and the little tree is now completely submerged.  The booming continues, the drums keep on and keep on.  Sometimes I hear thunder too-and then there is lightning and my little brother cries harder.  

And  we drift near to the town's center and then I remember, realize something terrible.  A lone figure is standing at the top of the many steps that led to the Municipal Building, except the steps are numbering less and less by the minute as the water rises.  "Papa!  Papa!"  I point and the wind takes my voice away, but he sees and understands.  "Mama, we have to go get her, she's there, Papa she needs us now!"  

Boom

Papa is rowing now, pulling hard and fast and we can't get any closer.  I can see her expression, she is scared.  My Mama who can take on the world is scared.  And we are all rowing now, brother and I wit

h our hands and papa is pulling, pulling and the water is at the third  to last step now.  And we are too far away, and I think Mama is  crying.  The second step and I realize that I am screaming and crying too, and the water touches the top step and 

I wake up sweating, it's freezing cold and I am sweating.

Three, five, blankets and my warmest pj's and nine year old me is shivering and scared.

And I am nineteen and I am still scared-

screaming myself to sleep some nights

and staying in bed alllll day long.

And this dream keeps on coming back to me and coming back to me-

bells and thunder and rain.

And terror.