A work of fiction

You wrap your arms around me and tell me to stay, stay; purring in my ear in that way you do. You're so very very good at that. He doesn't have to know, you whisper, caressing my neck, shoulder, warm breath in my ear. And she? I hiss in reply, What will you tell her?

Anything, or nothing. What does it matter. Stay with me tonight. Stay and be warm. It's so cold out... the windows open and it's refreshing to be here with you. Why go back to a lonely bed? Shrug you off and move away. Lying on my back with my head turned toward you, leaving a pillow between us so I can't see your eyes. Goddamn those eyes. Breath in and out, in and out, and you are beyond exhaustion, I can tell in your voice.

What do you see in him anyway? What do all those girls see in him? Long silence, I don't want my voice to give me away, brush moisture off the tips of my lashes. I want to ask what those same girls see in you, what I see in you, but I'm not up to the challenge, I know.

I love him, I think... A snort. You think? Your hand is there, just there. In another time I would have reached a finger out and run my nail in long circles and lines up your arm and down your fingers. Now I can't bring myself to look away, transfixed by your thumb and ring finger curling towards each other. I love him, I do. Another guffaw. Sarcasm drips, You convinced me, now convince yourself...

I am breathing and looking at the ceiling. Somehow it amazes me how my whole life can fall apart and yet this room smells the same. Of contentment and sweat and laundry detergent. The foot between us could be miles compared to the way we used to sleep wrapped comfortably around each other. And there is such a longing to give up and throw my arms around you and let the night go.

So why not? Your breath is on my neck again, you know I hate that and love it too. You smell of beer and you need to shave, your chin is tickling my neck maddeningly. Sit up and wrap my arms around myself for a moment, gathering the strength to swing my legs out of your bed. Find the shoes in the dark-much easier then nights before when it was a shirt and bra and pants. Open the door noiselessly in that way that I learned months ago and turn to see your form on the bed. Well goodbye then, good luck with life." Want to answer with something sweet and poetic, but not so.

Bye.