Carrion birds

It's amazing how fast they swoop in.  Five minutes and it's "So does this mean you're single now? ;)"  Want to scream
"God damn it, did you hear none of the words I just said?  I'm broken right now, broken and I don't want you or him or anyone else!"
But, that would be emotion-and if I am to understand correctly emotion is exactly what I should be fighting right now.  I was fine while I was the shell of myself, it's me that is the problem.
So instead I throw the phone across the room, only to recover it five minutes later and type a double meaninged response.
I try to giggle.  Push everything away.  I try to be lighthearted and confident, all the things I never was but somehow he believed me to be.  
It's so easy to play this game, so easy to make others believe that I am everything I'm not.  They don't want me, no one does.  They want the girl that isn't dark and twisty inside. 
That's just not me.
I want to be happy.
And passionate.
And full of life.

I am none of those things without my dark and twisty.  Somewhere there is someone out there who will love all of me, not just the bright parts.  That someone is not hiding behind an emoticon.