Monday, December 21, 2009

Hey girl, hey.

Hey you. You look so happy, you think you’re on top of the world. The stupid messages and comments, the wonderful banter that puts the sparkle in your eye.

I wish I could warn you. I wish I could save you; not as a price charming saves a damsel but a down to earth honest to goodness woman to woman intervention.

You wouldn’t listen to me. You wouldn’t listen to her either; or her, or her. Because with you it’s different, with you it’s real- in a way that we never managed or could even understand.

Girl you go. Go and prove us wrong, make him understand that YOU ARE WORTH IT. Because in that moment we will all have become WORTH IT. And if you fail, well we will be right here, and you will be one of us. Join the club.

We’re thinking about getting jackets.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Tonight.

Tonight turn the lights out.
Tonight come sit by me,
old smelly futon with mystery stains.
Come sit by me,
Too long sheets and one small pillow to share.
Come sit by me and we will stare into the morning.
Hold your breath and maybe we can freeze time.
And who will know if it's frozen or not after all-
And who will care.
We will forget the wrongs and the bads;
We won't be mad or crazy or upset-
We will be here.
Together.
Tonight, turn the lights out.

Coeds

Subject: Hi Beautiful!


Oct. 21, 2007

2:13 pm

Anna Savage

H i , B e a u t i f u l ! !

Did you know that it's Beautiful Women Month?


Facts On Figures :


There are 3 billion women who don't look like super models

and only eight who do.

Did you know Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14? (She also did not have good hygiene?) Can you believe that?

If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all FOURS due to her proportions!

The average woman weighs 144 pounds, and wears between a size 12-14.


One out of every 4 college-aged women has an eating disorder.

The Models in the magazines are AIRBRUSHED!!! - NOT Perfect!!

A psychological study in 1995 found that 3 minutes spent looking at a Fashion Magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty and

SHAMEFUL!


Models 20 years ago weighed 8% Less than the average Woman.

Today they weigh 23% less......

***Please send this to all the phenomenal women you know today in celebration of Women's History Month.


If you do, something good will happen...

YOU will boost another woman's self-esteem



Abby Thibodeau October 21, 2007 at 4:20pm Reply

This makes me proud to be a girl with such awesome girl friends !!! (and it also makes me want to hug my mommy...)


Devinne Mack October 21, 2007 at 4:55pm Reply

Thanks Anna! I wish, that in the world of college cheerleading and life, more people could keep these fact in mind!


Maddie Chateau October 21, 2007 at 5:02pm Reply

I LOVE YOU!!! (and no, I was not reading cosmo before opening this letter...)


Amy Boudreau October 21, 2007 at 6:46pm Reply

teary eyed



i miss you girls so much.


i hate the girls here, they're awful


i love y'all


Anna Savage October 21, 2007 at 10:58pm Reply

I really miss all of you girls and as soon as I got this message I knew I had to send it to all of you! I'm in such a confused state right now and I just need you all to tell me what I need to hear to make me sane again. I have no one to cry to the way I could always cry to you girls. I miss you all so much and I can't wait to see you again!

-A


Sally Swift October 21, 2007 at 11:27pm Reply

Sarah (and everyone else who was there) remember when you wore that orange sweatshirt at Maddie's and thought you were the blackest shit ever. Devinne's comment reminded me of that and I tried to relive it a little bit.


I love you girls all so much

Don't ever think that we can replace each other because we really can't. And certainly no one can love you girls more than I do....peace, girls


Sarah Schaeferpony October 21, 2007 at 11:40pm Reply

i think my tits have grown since then. but they are still rather black. yes, it's true.


Emily Graham October 22, 2007 at 1:00pm Reply

Wow, I love you guys. And Ames, thanks for the kick in the ass ;). But, in my defense, look at the following:


...lodging is rustic - dormitory style with no indoor plumbing, such as running water or toilets... do your own laundry by hand... tap water is contaminated. Global Volunteers provides bottled or purified drinking water throughout the service program for drinking and brushing teeth(WHAT IS GOING ON MY BODY?)... wear long pants and long-sleeved shirts, especially from dusk to dawn. This is the time when mosquitoes that spread malaria bite. Sleep under a mosquito bednet that has been dipped in permethrin insecticide if you are not living in screened or air-conditioned housing...


Btw I am also not allowed to wear tank tops, shorts, open toed shoes, or skirts shorter than knee length, and everything must be baggy. Picture me in a baggy tshirt and baggy long skirt with sneakers. That's what I thought...


Emily Graham October 22, 2007 at 1:01pm Reply

Dude, what if a lion attacks me in my sleep? It could totally happen...


Sarah Schaeferpony October 22, 2007 at 1:26pm Reply

seriously...you would not go to tanzania because you would have to wear baggy clothes?


Elizabeth Buchanan October 22, 2007 at 8:55pm Reply

wait, maddie you are coming to boston? let me know when because maybe i can see you!


Elena Clare Alvarez Correa October 22, 2007 at 9:48pm Reply

im really far away. really. far. i looked at a map today. i didnt really quite know where colorado was, but now i know. and its far. but i will be home for christmas time (i have about a month too) which means yay. in the meantime i really like this thread though. its even better than totinos mini pizza rolls which are pretty much keeping me going.


Amy Boudreau October 22, 2007 at 11:55pm Reply

What are you ladies all going to be for halloween?


i am really at a loss!!!!


Devinne Mack October 23, 2007 at 12:04am Reply

Probs gonna be a french maid or slutty cowgirl. Pretty much anything with the "word" slutty in front of it is a good halloween costume on this campus.


P.S. I totally forgot to tell you all that I got to see the Dalai Lama receive the Congressional Gold Medal! Holy crap. He is the most amazing man I have ever heard speak! SO much to tell you all- I cannot wait!


Elena Clare Alvarez Correa October 23, 2007 at 1:30am Reply

im taking the easy way out and being hermione again. or maybe slutty hermione.


Abby Thibodeau October 23, 2007 at 7:43am Reply

hahahaha its so true - put the word slutty in front of anything and there's the perfect halloween costume! amy, i think you should be a pirate - do it up, dont be like those other girls.... i went to nice twice the other day and i bought the most kick ass black dress so i dont know what i'm going to be but something in a black dress...



Maddie Chateau October 23, 2007 at 8:37am Reply

I was thinking of being original... not going the slut path, but perhaps the whore one....


Emily Doherty October 23, 2007 at 12:49pm

Haha, wow. You guys are really amazing! 58 facebook emails this morning....


Elena Clare Alvarez Correa October 23, 2007 at 1:19pm Reply

yeah, people had already woken up and started facbooking before i went to bed. do not leave research papers for the night before theyre due. thats my advice to all of you.


Amy Boudreau October 23, 2007 at 1:51pm Reply

LANEY! thats terrible!


i did want to be a bee.... now the girls here want us all to be "slutty construction workers..." i think they're planning on spending like 50 bucks on those tacky pre-made 'adult' halloween costumes...ughhh... WHERE AM I?!?!1?!


i think a sailor would be easier then a pirate.


Elizabeth Buchanan October 23, 2007 at 3:38pm Reply

roommates suck. or at least mine do.


Audrey Elizabeth Hendricks October 23, 2007 at 5:29pm Reply

I am sorry about your crazy and weird roommates Elizabeth. I can empathize, mine is horrible. She is also named Elizabeth and I hate her because she defiles your name :( What do your roommates do that is crazy and weird??


Emily Doherty October 23, 2007 at 6:02pm

I have one very VERY blond roomate (she just doesn't think!) but i love her in her own way. And I have a roomate that is pretty amazing. We're all different enough not to want to kill each other, it's probs a good situation. I think i'm going to live with Rachel again next year, if i stay here. I'm sorry for everyone with crazy roomates! Some girl down the hall tried to kill herself and had to go home, and now her roommate is living alone. That's about as much roommate drama that has happened so far...


Audrey Elizabeth Hendricks October 23, 2007 at 8:14pm Reply

life size mural picture thing: so before we got here, my roommate's mom apparently wanted to take a picture of the four of us like posing, then blow it up to poster size so we could display it in our living room. luckily i got here kinda late that day so it didn't happen, and i've since made it clear that that is not happening. ever. she also mailed us a package with a halloween tablecloth, halloween dishes, halloween jimmies AND halloween sugar (black and orange). oh, and when we got back from break there were nine boxes of cake mix in the cupboard. sorry guys, i need to vent.


Emily Doherty October 23, 2007 at 8:25pm

P.S. someone talk me out of spending waaay too much money online just so that i get some mail!!! :(


Anna Savage October 23, 2007 at 8:30pm Reply

hahaha, Em, I do the same thing. I bought a shirt today.

-A


Elizabeth Buchanan October 23, 2007 at 9:13pm Reply

laney-can you transfer out of your room? i'm sorry your roommate is only nice when she is high. one of mine is mean when she is drunk.


Emily Doherty October 23, 2007 at 9:30pm

Haha, i'm jealouse. Although living on the third floor is exercise enough. Ahh, from pringles to froot loops....


Sarah Schaeferpony October 23, 2007 at 9:40pm Reply

emily. both are full of hydrogenates. ABSTAIN. eat something validly disgusting for you. like dunsters.


them don't sell them round her'

:(


Audrey Elizabeth Hendricks October 23, 2007 at 9:46pm Reply

i need some dunsters. i should bribe my brother to mail me some. that would be amazing.


Abby Thibodeau October 23, 2007 at 9:54pm Reply

yes! lets here it for having 57 emails when i got to my computer tonight!!! love you all so much!!!


Emily Graham October 23, 2007 at 9:56pm Reply

I need a single? I'm going to AFRICA bitches! I can handle ANYTHING.


I do need a single.


Emily Doherty October 23, 2007 at 10:09pm

Dude, just went to get these chewy chocolaty granola bars that i LOVE that i bought, and found that my roommate had eaten them. yesterday there were five in the box, and my other roommate hasn't eaten any! WTF MATE??!!!


Elena Clare Alvarez Correa October 23, 2007 at 10:13pm Reply

get amy to kick her ass


Emily Doherty October 23, 2007 at 10:16pm

I totes will. Just discovered an amazing trick to make papers longer. Use the find/change search to replace all periods and commas with size 14 periods and commas. It's amazing. No one can tell that you did anything to make the paper longer! loooove it!


Elizabeth Buchanan October 23, 2007 at 11:12pm Reply

i say we all live together next year. we can be home schooled by each other.


Amy Boudreau October 24, 2007 at 12:42am Reply

no credit minimum. no math class. oversleeping is the name of the game. sex is what its all about actually. lots and lots of sex. sex and love. yes. more love then sex. mostly love. because love is the most important thing in the world ever. lots of free love. this school is free. freeer then black people. no charge. except for the love that you are required to give out. put out. putting out. yes.



yep.



woah. partying on a tuesday night.... ha yes.


Elena Clare Alvarez Correa October 24, 2007 at 12:43am Reply

that whole post sounded like lyrics to a song. do we get graded on the sex and love?


Amy Boudreau October 24, 2007 at 12:47am Reply

definitely not. but you have to do your best at all times. or else no one will love or sex you back.


hm.



lyrics yes. i should write more often when i feel this good.


pee time

Emily Doherty October 24, 2007 at 9:18am

Amy, i love it! The only problem with this scheme is, is it girl's only?? We need to start a neighboring brother school for the island guys in that case. Otherwise, who will be there for the sex?


Audrey Elizabeth Hendricks October 24, 2007 at 11:58am Reply

i thought we were having sex with eachother??


Amy Boudreau October 24, 2007 at 12:58pm Reply

sex with each other, yes. But if you find a random guys. sex with him is acceptable.


Elena Clare Alvarez Correa October 24, 2007 at 1:27pm Reply

sex with guys is just for practice, but maybe we can have then stand around and hold our coats for us.


Elena Clare Alvarez Correa October 24, 2007 at 2:55pm Reply

im about to leave for california and youre all coming with me in my computer. get excited


Sarah Schaeferpony October 24, 2007 at 3:21pm Reply

i haven't been to california in such a long time. make sure I have fun please? and wear my sunscreen...i have such delicate skin


Elizabeth Buchanan October 24, 2007 at 4:52pm Reply

my roommate doesn't like to wear underwear. ew. i wanna be like umm you're only allowed to do that around me if i REALLY know you. which i don't. so please cover your vagina. thank you.


Emily Doherty October 24, 2007 at 4:55pm

Oh. p.s. mole day way yesterday. Happy belate mole day!

"We love chemisitry the atoms are our friends..


Elizabeth Buchanan October 24, 2007 at 4:57pm Reply

she just goes commando under dresses a lot. but she likes to spread her legs, so if i'm not careful i get flashed.


Elizabeth Buchanan October 24, 2007 at 4:58pm Reply

....we learn about the elements and periodic trends......


Anna Savage October 24, 2007 at 5:34pm Reply

Elizabeth, I too am sorry about your vagina roommate. I don't think I could handle it. I had midterms last week. Barf. Got an A on my calculus 2 midterm though. Yay Anna! It's finally getting cold here, and the World Series starts today. That makes it a very good day.

-A


Emily Doherty October 24, 2007 at 6:25pm

Plus I go to contra dance tody. There is a very cute boy there (I know, I know, ANOTHER one!) And "in a bag with a spoon" is an expression I smade up. i say it all the time now. It just makes everything more. Grossness is more gross in a bag with a spoon. That makes no sense. I know. No midterms for me! Except one paper i hanaded in today. YAY!


Sarah Schaeferpony October 24, 2007 at 7:09pm Reply

i had an islam midterm yesterday and it was really intense. we were given little blue books to write our special essays in and the teacher just looked at us like "you are going to fail"--except for this one girl janice who knows everything about everything and everytime she raises her hand the teacher is like..."yes janice! :) that is correct, janice! :)" and everyone in the room gets sad. it's not as bad as a vagina flash but i tried to submit a good story. i love cold weaether. i love the red sox. i just dusted and it was really nasty. note: if you have not dusted yet, i advise you to.


Emily Graham October 24, 2007 at 8:41pm Reply

easy like sunday morning reminds me of evan. he used to sing that song all the time as unattractively as possible. i think he was against showing that he had any true talent. makes me sad to remember.


Sarah Schaeferpony October 24, 2007 at 9:32pm Reply

i keep thinking about leaving. I will be leaving this summer. i have plans to buy a backpack and a tarp and travel cross country by hopping cargo trains. i'm not even kidding.


Elizabeth Buchanan October 24, 2007 at 9:43pm Reply

i have no advice i'm sorry. i cry about three times a week now because the cheering coach hates me and i think she is trying to make me quit except i am on to her so just to spite her i won't. i am trying to do well in school, and i'm not doing as well as i could. the people here aren't that cool. and i'm trying to keep a relationship going with someone who is bad at talking on the phone, and i'm luck if i see him once a week. yeah school kinda sucks. but i am also pissed off right now because i just had practice and i got out half and hour late. maybe i'll go home to portland this weekend. and dye my hair and do my nails and i will feel better.


Nicole Carney October 24, 2007 at 9:48pm Reply

I know how you feel hun.. I haven't realy talked to Ben in like two weeks and I won't see him for another month.. it sucks..


Emily Doherty October 24, 2007 at 10:12pm

Um, like i said, COME TO ALLEGHENY!!! I met another guy tonight at....(don't laugh) contra dance. He's cute. He's a Delt. He was surprised that i'm only a freshman. we talked for a while....His name is John. Another one....I still need to talk to my john about the acid thing. Not to mention he started dissing girls the other day....he said that maybe we'd be good at nintendo if we a penis


Elizabeth Buchanan October 24, 2007 at 10:13pm Reply

um. ew. girls don't play nintendo becasue they realize that it's stupid. duh.


Anna Savage October 24, 2007 at 10:22pm Reply

I FUCKING LOVE THE BOSTON RED SOX AND BASEBALL AND ALL OF YOU GIRLS. Oh, and Joe Nelligan informed me that I'm his favorite girl ever, and asked me to marry him.

-A


Elizabeth Buchanan October 24, 2007 at 10:25pm Reply

let's play a game. it's called let's find elizabeth a new boyfriend who is far away from dave and will watch baseball with her and can multi task.


Emily Doherty October 24, 2007 at 10:26pm

hmmm

joe just started talking to me too!

LOL!


Amy Boudreau October 24, 2007 at 10:48pm Reply

i hate boys. i should go to sarahs school.


Sarah Schaeferpony October 24, 2007 at 11:03pm Reply

good choice.

question: do bumblebees drink?

can they?

i think they should. bumblebee social.


Amy Boudreau October 24, 2007 at 11:05pm Reply

yes. the most definitely do.


welly is one of those creepy rapers. i dont like him muc


Elizabeth Buchanan October 24, 2007 at 11:05pm Reply

ok i love wine, and i need some.


Anna Savage October 24, 2007 at 11:08pm Reply

More of a beer girl myself. I want a Corona...:(

-A


Elena Clare Alvarez Correa October 24, 2007 at 11:32pm Reply

im always getting emails about sexual predators and people ivolved in shootings that have been spotted on campus. fun. i like wine. and beer. and baileys. creamy


Anna Savage October 24, 2007 at 11:36pm Reply

I'm always getting emails about male enhancement supplements.

-A


Elizabeth Buchanan October 24, 2007 at 11:55pm Reply

ooooh! i want to make my penis bigger!


Sarah Schaeferpony October 25, 2007 at 12:27am Reply

everytime i try to call my boyfriend i realize that he doesn't exist. ie it makes for some boring phone conversations.


Amy Boudreau October 25, 2007 at 12:29am Reply

hahahha


sarah i lvoe you


yes lvoe


Elizabeth Buchanan October 25, 2007 at 12:59pm Reply

oh my god this is what i have to live with. my roomate is always like "that's so gay" or when it's raining outisde she is like "why is it so gay out" or she's like "he's so gay" i want to be like do you have any idea how stupid you sound?


Nicole Carney October 25, 2007 at 1:05pm Reply

This is insane.. if we keep at this we'll be at 600 messages by like the end of the week!


Emily Doherty October 25, 2007 at 1:15pm

MADDIE BABE! You make my LIFE compleate!! Besides the potato gun and other things you sent me the POLICE BEAT!!! intentional or unintentional you ROCK!!! love ya!


Emily Doherty October 25, 2007 at 1:16pm

P.S. my dad shut my phone off. Without talking to me first. I thought this whole college thing was supposed to REMOVE me from my parent's control.


Elizabeth Buchanan October 25, 2007 at 1:28pm Reply

my phone bill was 600 dollars higher that normal. oops.


Sally Swift October 25, 2007 at 2:03pm Reply

at my school everyone calls everyone a nigger

I can't believe I actually just typed that word.

Isn't that terrible?


Gwen Schwartz October 25, 2007 at 2:23pm Reply

are there even any black people there?


Sally Swift October 25, 2007 at 2:58pm Reply

Gwen-I'm in the south, of course there are black people

Anna-Isn't it crazy? I never realized exactly how sheltered we were growing up in Maine, on MDI but I guess it's good that we're experiencing it now.


Emily Doherty October 25, 2007 at 6:12pm

Girls, i'm SO nervouse! I'm dressing people for the play and i have to go for the first time tonight. At least I think it's tonight, the email wasn't exactly clear. I'm so scared because the cast has a close bond, and there are only two of us being dressers. The other girl has done this lots of times before; i have no idea where this is even happening. WHY the hell is this so intemidating for me?? I've stood on stage practically my whole life, and now i'm scared to go put cloths on people and clean up their dirty socks (thanks for the training Marilee!) gah. I don't even know. I have to leave at seven....i think. Oh well.


Elizabeth Buchanan October 26, 2007 at 11:54am Reply

ha! i love you! yeah today i went to my 8am in my little skirt, polo, flats, with my hair done, and everyone else looks slobby in their mismatched sweatshirts and sweatpants, and i'm like huh, am i the only one who likes to look cute around here?


Anna Savage October 26, 2007 at 1:46pm Reply

I know what you guys mean about the sweatpants thing, except some of the girls here do it and manage to look like sluts anyway. I don't get it. Kam and I were walking behind this one girl who was wearing white booty shorts and you could see her butt flab and cellulite. It made me a little naucious. But I manage to get up every morning, shower, and put make up on before class. There is this one girl in my 8:30 class who is always flawlessly dressed. And another who wears jeans with holes in the ass and a thong, so I get to look at her lovely butt cheek.

-A


Sarah Schaeferpony October 26, 2007 at 2:10pm Reply

yes, agreed. i don't have any butt stories. should I accumulate some and tell them to you?

I did some of those clam-shell tihngs greico is so excited about and now my ass hurts like a mofo.


Elizabeth, how much does a mother fucker hurt


Sarah Schaeferpony October 26, 2007 at 4:03pm Reply

did you know: that anorexic people actually show cellulite more than normal people do? I;m not really sure why and I probably heard it on oprah.People here are pretty well dressed. Except this one girl everyone calls "skippy mcPink". she only wears pink. and she always skips everywhere. you think i'm joking, im not. it is singlehandedly the weirdest thing i've ever seen in my entire life.


Emily Doherty October 26, 2007 at 7:34pm

There's a girl here who walks around campus in a purple cloak. No joke...

Delt's are having a dance party tonight, so i'll talk to y'all later!


Sarah Schaeferpony October 26, 2007 at 7:53pm Reply

there are also these girls known as "the cape girls"--they always wear capes and they always seem to take the medieval studies classes. I found it funny. and then i met one and realized it was more scary. there are some really fucked up people here.

on that note, i want all of you to come visit me. like, please do. there is room in my room, and it's very neat and pretty and lovely.


Anna Savage October 26, 2007 at 10:48pm Reply

K, so I was downtown today with some friends and we met two guys who go to Western and one of them gave me his number and took mine and told me to call him when I want to party. The other one is my friends new drummer. It's really exciting. I'm calling the guy tomorrow to get crunk with frat boys. I'll be careful.

LOVE YOU GIRLS!

-A


Emily Doherty October 27, 2007 at 2:15am

oh ames. So the delts party kinda sucked. Oh well. The cops came just about when I was leaving (not that that would have been a problem, i didn't drink or anything.) But oh well. I went as a cowgirl with the same outfit from the dance last year. Only this time i wore a tank top OVER the bra...no need to get raped. Yet.


Audrey Elizabeth Hendricks October 28, 2007 at 4:23am Reply

k here's the deal mujeres. i love you all a ridiculous amount. like a lot, its a lil' over the top, if you know what i mean. i think that you do. my friend nina from gsa (now NYU was here tonight and i love her and im a bit borracha, but please liz, and ames i know you can find a way, come home for thanks-G, i think some love/and orgy is in order mos-DEF please ladies. k i miss you guys. im on the verge but a bit verging away from the joining of your transferring from the snobby rich kid school cos sometimes this place makes me want to die but mostly kill some people, but maybe not, im a little unsure actually. basically you guys are hot and amazing, hotter and amazing-er than ANYONE ive met in the past two months, by far, hands down, and i love you all. soooo... i expect some lovin' next time i see you all pretty much.


goodnight mujeres.


Audrey Elizabeth Hendricks October 28, 2007 at 4:25am Reply

ps. lara i danced tonight, you guys would have been proud. i was proud of my lack of inhibitions due to some fancy liquid substances.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Mass communication

Sitting on the fire escape her life seems oddly distant. Friend with the long brown hair and savvy style has gone; spending another one of her days teasing synthetic locks and presenting girls with newly crisp bows on their dollies hair.
The street smells; coming from the land of the pine and the sea this stink is wonderful. Take a deep breath and fill her lungs with filth and pollution. Grey snow is quickly soaking through her jacket but she doesn't feel her skin numbing; in her mind there are footlights and pyrotechnics and face-paint. In reality there are old cigarettes in a dish made in some long ago ceramics class. But this, this is REAL. This must be what LIFE smells like.

And then she scrambles back through the window, scared that somehow she has trespassed on some great TRUTH that should not yet be discovered. Inside is chilled and now she feels the wet on her jacket. There is nothing here to do, nothing to keep her mind off of everything. So she tries an experiment. Mass Text 101.
Happy new years from the Big City.
Two recipients. Just to make it fair, she considers adding a third to this small trap of morals. But the irony, the simplicity of those two names side by side...too perfect to spoil.

The first response she doesn't really need to look at. It's perfect and sweet and wondering why she is so very many miles away in the cold heartless city.
The second, was not as she had hoped but just as she expected.
"Hey, I'm here too! What are you doing tonight? Just got in from Jersey."
Disgusted, fling the phone onto the couch and sit by the window. Breath in, breath out. So very grateful for the thousands of people in the city to protect her from that one poison.

"Next year" she vows "things will be different. Next year there will be a boy who loves me and he will kiss me at midnight and then I will turn into a pumpkin."
And she reaches for the phone and scrolls down her contacts. One deep breath, two deep breaths; not today. Today she won't play coy games, today she isn't the cynical city girl she so wishes to be. Today she is from the ocean and the cliffs and the sickly sweet pine trees.
REPLY
I wish I was there with you too, I miss you lots and lots. But there will be plenty of walks when we get back to school.
SEND.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I can't....

even write anymore. What's wrong with me?

Monday, November 30, 2009

American Dream

It's a balmy evening; the white fur wrap sliding off her shoulders seems like overkill. It goes though, goes with the cherry red lips, the formfitting gown, the youthful eyes and dark curls. Breathing into his ear she is pouting, simpering.
"Oh darling, can't we please just go now? I don't want to wait to run into any more old acquaintances and I can't bear not having you in my arms for one minute longer!"
He smells of whisky and cologne, and his hands on hers is strong and reeks of power.
"My darling you know we can't leave until they announce the award, it would be unthinkably rude."
"Oh please...."
A sigh and a hand casually creeping up the pinstripe of a thigh. White elbow length gloves keeping the whole thing lady like, of course. This is a perfectly lady like entanglement.
A deep inhaling of breath and he stands, a dashing smile pasted to his lips. She takes his offered hand and the two of them quietly take their leave.

Outside the night is pierced by the yellow flashes and fast question slung by the ever eager reporters. No, she was not unwell, just had a slight headache and wished to be taken home at once. No, she had no comment on any of the scandals vaguely attached to her name. No, he would not be spending the evening with her, he was simply dropping her off at the Chateau in his car.
Draped in the leather seats in the back of his car her long fingers toyed delicately with his jacket lapel.
"Darling, come out with me tonight."
"You know as well as I that we must stay inside, preferably in separate estates entirely."
"But darling, I will be bored. Please, just come in for a quick drink. I won't make a scandal, I swear it."
Being an actress has taught her just how to play on men's emotions, and the honest question in her eyes was answered by his arm drawing her in just a little closer.

A whoosh up the gravel drive and they are home, her home at least. Inside is dark and cold and elegant.
"Don't lets be inside. It's too warm and wonderful out. Let's go walking." She is sliding her white drape off and her red dress too, and right there in her great hall she is standing with moonlight on her skin and no shame in her eyes. She wraps herself in a robe and slips off her shoes and walks barefoot out the front door.

"There are stories here. There are stars in the sky and a green light across the harbor- there, and there are stories." Silence. The night is breathing and for a while, they let it.
"Tell me a story."
"You wouldn't like these stories. They all end in death; or worse in life without dreaming."
"I don't mind." The night breaths again; exhaling in little puffs across the bay.
"The lawn, that one over there. There are people dancing and drinking and dancing some more."
"Drinking? Scandal!" Her legs are over the side of the dock, she is brushing the water with the tips of her toes. His fingers search her shoulder, looking for some imperfection that does not exists.
"And there, you see your swimming pool? There is a body there. Not an actual person, just the idea of someone, floating I think."
"Alive?"
"No."
The green light is winking at them. The slow whosshhhh as the water slides up and down the shore is keeping time with the clunk of the rowboat pulling at it's mooring. She is staring at the stars and plinking pebbles into the water.
"This is it, isn't it? This is all we have. The rest is a lie, this nothingness, this is what we really own. This is what we will live for and die with."
"Yes."
"Nothingness."
"Yes."
She stands, abruptly.
"Goodnight Scotty, I think I will go float in my pool for a bit."
"Goodnight."
She turns to leave, then pauses standing still with her back to the water.
"I'm leaving you know."
"I know."

The next day the headlines that would have been splashed with horror and intrigue remained focused on stocks and innovation and style. When the police had left and the house staff dismissed he stood there, still. She wouldn't want him to waste such a perfect delusion. So he went home.