For the ladies (put your hands up)

I never knew either of you when it counted.  In real life I mean.  I had my little circle which seemed much bigger then, filled with Forever Friends and the like. 

I met the girl with the golden hair first.  "Met" is a subjective term, it was either very late or very early and we were talking across the ocean.  I was crying as the messages pinged back and fourth; shoving my computer away from myself over and over again, only to crawl across the unmade bed to retrieve it moments later.  Through my tears I felt a kernel of resentment that this girl was nice.  She was kinder then she needed to be with me, and it was obvious that she cared.  Damn it.  Why couldn't she be heartless and cold so I could hate her in peace.  I promised to do my due diligence and fade away, and so I tried.  I wasn't perfect that spring, but then none of us were.

The first time I saw he in real life I spotted the purple jacket across the frozen lawn.  Arm and arm with him and laughing I think.  I looked away, crossed the brick walk, went to my room and sobbed.  That spring I grew accustomed to seeing them together, and I learned that it didn't hurt as much as I thought it should.  I was still terrified of her, with her wide smile and her pretty blue eyes.  When we worked in the office together I would go red (a habit I somehow picked up in high school that I wish to god I could un-learn) and leave as quickly as decorum allowed.  She was nice to me as ever, and it became clear that this wasn't he same kind of "nice" that those forever friends had acted.  She actually meant it.

When I left that place forever I thought that would be the end of it.  Months passed, and somehow we kept pinging messages back and forth over hundreds of miles.  Over time we talked about everything; soon the last bit of mistrust faded and I let myself understand that this girl was somehow the only truly Genuine girl I had met in a long while.  She saw me at my absolute lowest, and I don't think she holds that against me.  That is a true forever friend.

The second girl with the raven hair I met just days before I left.  She was talking and laughing with the boy that I finally let myself fall for.  Hugging me she made me promise that we would be friends the next year "when I came back."  I made the promise lightly, knowing that I would not be back.  That is how I remember her, laughing in the sunlight in over-sized glasses. 

I trusted her easily, which is why I started going to her with all the wrongs of my life.  I had no one else at home, and certainly no one at school, that I had any degree of trust in.  She made me laugh from a hundred miles away; she reminded me I was beautiful and smart when I desperately needed to hear it.  I listened to her too, and as lies and truths and heartaches showed themselves in the light we held on to each other. 

We talked about paper cards and fishing and computers and rings; when she called me I could hear the bustling of city streets through the phone and could almost taste the spinach salad she was describing.  One night I called her sobbing and she listened to me until I cried myself out.  She told me I was worth it, and for some reason when she said it I believed her.  That meant the world to me that night, sitting in my car alone at the park. 

They changed my life.  They are smart and kind and sexy and fun, and I wouldn't trade either of them for the world.  They are true friends.  So here's to those two wonderful ladies who keep me sane.  Thanks.