Brown Eyes

Tonight, for the first time, I saw bright brown eyes fade to a dull lifeless sheen.
It's not the first time I've seen death, I have personally witnessed many blue eyed boys expire, and even some hazel and green.  Never brown though, with their little specks of green and gold near the center.  Never, until now. 
It's harder then with the others, because before all I felt was anger and bitterness. Now I have not only lost my pride and a piece of my heart, but I have lost my future and most of my past.  Who am I now, to go out into the world alone and unchaperoned?  Who am I to believe that I am worthy of searching for such a love again?  I gave everything of myself away, and when it was cast back to me I have found it impossible to gather all the pieces of me back in any logical sense of order. 
It is not my first heartbreak, but it is my first check on reality.  I thought, for some naive reason, that when there came the time that I truly gave everything of myself away, that I let myself go and just fall into happiness, that somehow there would be no way I could fail.  I thought when that day came my future would be carved deep into everlasting stone.  There is no contingency plan.  There is no escape route. 
I will love you until the day I die, this I know.  I will never fall out of love, that is as impossible as it is for me to curb my emotions at two in the morning.  I will love you forever, but will you ever love me?
This is why I saw those lifeless eyes tonight.  It is what I do, what I did, when I felt myself getting too deep into hysteria. 
Fictional murder is infinitely better then the reality of loneliness.
With you though, it is different.  I can't kill without a conscious, without remorse. 
You are my life.  You are my love.  You are a part of myself, and if I murder you I simultaneously commit suicide. 
So, with a flick of an eyelid, I watch those beautiful brown eyes find their life again.  I won't close them forever, not yet.
But please, a concession from you as well.
Promise me, please.  Don't break my heart.