Unreal

My heart hadn’t been my own for so long, I wonder what life was like without you. I don’t want to know. I just read and re-read everything I’ve written and the only common theme is blue eyes and dimpled grins and dirty blond hair. I’ve murdered you, begged for  you, loved you, lusted over you- I’ve tried a million times to convince myself that I can cut you out of my life, carve you out of my heart. It’s never worked, I don’t think it ever will. I don’t want to. I want you babe, I want it all. The house and the kids and the dog that you told me once you wanted, the dreams I found when I was still more girl than woman, I want them all now more than ever.
Maybe this time it will work.
Maybe this will break me beyond repair.
Either way, I’m not willing to not try. You’ve been in my dreams for too long, I would rather be broken than live in this purgatory forever.
I guess this post is my one in roughly three of everything I write that’s about you.
I don’t care.
I love you. Now and probably forever.
So there’s that.
I hope you wait for me.