Forever and a day

For the first time in five years, I feel safe.  Here I am, curled happily on the couch and there you are in the computer chair; I can easily make out your strong profile in the glow from the tv.  I don't need to hide behind pseudonyms and distinctive eye colors anymore, I can easily say that I love you, Matthew, and that is my talisman against anything and everything the world can throw at me.  

This love is more than a passing infatuation and it's more than fear of being alone.  The only other "love" I have known was born out of fear and guilt; there is not a day that goes by that I don't thank my guardian angel for opening my eyes and allowing me a way out of that.  Out of the abuse, the hatred, the feeling of despair.  Two years ago I didn't care if I lived or died, I thought that I was disposable, furniture, worthless.  Some would say that I needed to have someone give me love to show me that I was worth it, but my dearest Matthew you have done more than that- you insisted that I start to love myself again for me  and no one else.  That truly saved my life.  

And now I know that if I die tomorrow, I have known true happiness and true love.  There are so many who never have that privilege and so for that I am beyond lucky.  I love you, Matthew, now and forever.