To be alone

I can't sleep.
Still, I can't sleep.
Who knows when these nightmares even started, anyway? It seems like years now. At least with the nightmares I had the chance to shut my eyes before they attacked. Now I'm being attacked by visions before my head even touches the pillow. I see you, walking, waling away. I think I must be screaming, my mouth is open and breath is puffing out of my chest but you don't or can't or won't hear. You are walking still, and I open my eyes to shaking terror and clutching at myself and moaning your name.
Somehow, I am still nine years old, crying and calling a name and getting no response. Except that now I have no doll to dry my tears on, and no one but myself to rely upon.
I'm scared, so terrified.
Frightened.